Its been really hard to express how I feel lately. I dont like talking, I’m at this spot where I kind of gave up on talking, too tired of it. However I have been trying, everyday, to not give up on life, on the people I love, on myself, on the future, on my faith. Thats a lot of things to try not to do and is a struggle, for me, everyday. Being silent, watching people, I’ve realized how so many people my age, 21, are going through their own set of anxieties, fears, doubts. That age when you’re just about done with college, struggling to find a career path, and slightly start understanding what an adult is. That time of your life you don’t know where you’re going or if you’re going to make it there. Yeah, that part of life. It makes me wonder sometimes which one of us is going to make it through this phase in one piece. In my head, there’s only going to be a few, and I haven’t the slightest idea if I’m one of them. Still, I plan to live life like I know I will make it. Thinking negative leaves to nowhere, I know it. I’ve come to just accept things the way they are and NOT stress over things I have no power of (*cough) election, (*cough cough) the past, (*cough cough cough) fate.
I dropped all of my classes mid semester. I know its a big deal but it was necessary. I needed this time to gain a bit more perspective on literally everything in my life including myself. My emotional state is no good right now, a fragile mess. But dont worry I’ll go back this next coming semester, already registered. But for now I can only do little things at a time. For instance, to get through the day I usually prepare a list, early morning or the night before, of things I need to accomplish. The list can be as little as three things on it, but at the end of the day when I see everything on that list checked off it’s an accomplishment. Accomplishments make me feel good, give me a boost. Baby step. I live not day by day but hour by hour, I take my time. Even though I’m not sure if I’ll make it through this whirlwind called life I am choosing to take the high road, quit fighting back, and live my life as if I’m going to make it big one day.
Well folks, that’s all the thoughts I could fathom out tonight.