My emotions swirl down a black endless tunnel.  Every time I think I have these emotions, feelings,  and doubts under control, a new day begins with a set of new problems that I fail to have the solutions for.   As soon as I wake the plans I had thought out the night before seem to have demolished into nothing. How many days have I woken up and thought of a time in my life I promised i would never think of again, because I knew it would be my setback.  How many days have I woken up with an urge, a passion to fulfill a task I told myself i would never do, or talk to someone I know will break my heart again, or take advantage of me one more time.  Damn me for being so unpredictable.  Damn you heart for loving the wrong person.  Damn you soul for loving everyone so much that you have become a pushover.  Damn you mind for never giving me a rest, always throbbing against my skull.  Damn you body for being the unpredictable nightmare you are.  But it seems as though it’s not just me, of course some people are more broken up than others and may take more time to heal, if ever, but none of us is happy all of the time.  It turns out life is our test and we can’t take a easy way out.  

My motto is to breathe through the pain and force that smile on your face and eventually you’ll be smiling because you mean it.

In spite of the fact that everyone has their own baggage there are still people who dare to judge me.  It blows my mind because I know for a fact that no one is perfect, that everyone has regrets.  Yet a person will invest all of their time pointing out my shortcomings that make me human.  How dare you judge me when I haven’t even gotten the chance to know myself.  How dare you judge me for making decisions that were impossibly hard for me to make, decisions that you never  knew  haunted me.  How dare you judge me for being me. How dare you judge me for being human.  Listen to me when I say, there is not enough time in this world to focus on other peoples life choices when you have a fair share of your own to make.   All I’m asking is if you could just  give me room to breathe.   Because despite all that’s happened and what’s to come, all I want to do is smile.  Let me.

 

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